


shine when the lights go out

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, and a lot of glitter, babies at their first pride, mild exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 08:30:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19292032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Dan and Phil celebrate Pride out with their friends for the first time.





	shine when the lights go out

Phil's had a refrain in his head since they stepped foot out of the apartment that morning: 

_This is for Dan._

He's here for Dan. He's doing this for Dan. Because this is important to Dan. Because Dan's tired of feeling on the fringes of everything. 

Dan wants to live his truth in rainbow technicolor. 

And Phil supports that. 

* 

Dan holds his face carefully, biting down on his lip in concentration as he drags goopy, cool paint in neat stripes over Phil's cheeks. 

"Not quite cat whiskers, but it'll do." Dan pulls back. 

Phil uses his phone to look. He's not at all expecting the way his heart jumps into his throat at his own face, painted in all the colors of their pride. 

"Could do, though," Phil says, contemplatively. He's not sure if Dan can read the nerves in his voice. He probably can. "Rainbow cat whiskers? New trend?" 

"Only if it's an expression of our furry pride," Dan says. "And even then, mm, rather go all in, wouldn't you think? Nice rainbow fursuit- holes in all the right places-" 

"Stop!" Phil says, shoving him lightly. 

Dan grabs his hands as Phil starts to pull them back. He uses the grip to tug Phil in, until they're almost nose to nose. Dan's wearing some sort of glittery lip gloss he stole off Bryony, lighting bouncing specks of color off his mouth. 

It matches the multi-color glitter of his nails, the ones Phil watched him meticulously paint last night. 

"Hey," Dan says, and turns Phil around. He wraps his arms around Phil's waist and rests his chin on Phil's shoulder, using his long arm to hold the phone up and take a picture. "That's a good one." 

Because he's Dan, he takes about twenty. Phil stares at their faces looking back at him while Dan works the perfect angle. 

Dan looks beautiful. He looks made for this. 

And if Phil looks - and feels - like a kid playing costume dress up in someone else's wardrobe, well. That's alright. 

This is for Dan, after all. 

*

They show up to the parade with the armor of friends - their ride or die lot, and the ones in from Brighton. 

No one acts like this is a big deal. Most of them have been to a Pride event before, tagging along without a care in the world. 

Not like they were ever hiding anything. No shame when you can smile easy and wear a pin badge that says "Proud Ally" and have everyone know exactly who you are. 

Even Bryony, terrified with three-toned hair to fit the occasion, tilts her head with a confident angle and prepares to - as she said - fake it until she motherfucking makes it. 

She can do that. That's the sort of person she is. Just like Dan, in a lot of ways. 

Phil has to keep reminding himself not to rub at his face. 

*

Phil always liked parades as a kid. 

His mum used to make him hold her hand because he'd always be tempted to run away after the nearest bright colorful thing to cross his path. 

In his mind parades are still something he sees from a child's eyes; people banging drums and tossing out sweets. He hasn't been to all that many as an adult. 

No one's tossing sweets at this one, but PJ does catch a condom and proudly hold it up. 

*

He really has no say in the decision to go to the club after the parades are over and the sun has set and they've shoveled greasy pizza in their faces. 

(That's a lie. He has a say. If he told Dan he wanted to go home right now, Dan would. 

But he doesn't wanna be that guy. 

He can do this. 

For Dan.)

*

Martyn just wants a drink at the bar and Bryony splits off with some friends to a lesbian club after ten minutes of, as she says, greased up sausage party vibes. Cornelia finds her tribe radiating the scent of weed and doing some sort of tantric dance that doesn't match the music at all. 

With each person that wanders away, Phil feels even more keenly exposed. 

"Come on," Dan says, sliding his hand into Phil's. "Let's go find a corner." 

*

They do find a corner. It's on the second level of the club, leaning against the rail looking down at the people. 

Phil likes their corner. It's safe and a tiny bit quieter and he can breathe a little easier. They both have a drink, not their first or even their fifth of the night. It's too sweet even for him and a bit disgustingly warm now going down. 

Dan's not holding his hand anymore but their shoulders are pressed together. They watch the lights bounce off the tops of people's heads. It feels like another world existing right below them. 

Right Said Fred starts to boom and everyone laughs uproariously. Phil laughs too, because he's so caught off guard. 

Dan starts to dance immediately, ridiculously miming taking all his clothes off. He grins ear to ear at Phil. 

They lean on each other to catch their breath as the last notes fade. They should really get water, Phil thinks, in the back of his mind. For the moment, this is fine, though. 

*

Glitter bursts from something above them and rains down on all the people. A new song comes on. 

It's one he recognizes. It was on Dan's sex playlist for a whole summer a couple years back. 

When he looks over, Dan's swaying side to side with a distant soft look on his face. He opens his eyes as though he can feel Phil's gaze on his skin like a physical thing, smiling deep and devious. 

He holds out his hand like he's asking for a dance and as he speaks he nods down at the dance floor below. "Do ya wanna roll with me?" Pause, then with the beat: "Say yeah."

Phil laughs. He's breathless again all of a sudden. "Yeah." 

* 

They dance in a writhing crowd of boozed up, jubilant people. 

It feels like an out of body experience. Dan's hands are on him (and he's pretty sure someone else's hands, too, or else Dan's grown a few extra) and his head is buzzing. 

The fact that he has no natural rhythm in his heart doesn't really seem to matter all that much. Dan's hand slides into his jeans to cup his sweaty ass cheek and Dan's mouth presses against his equally sweaty neck and he moans out loud into a sea of sound that absorbs it immediately. 

He's not sure he's ever been in a room where he felt this free. 

It's like he's just - nobody. He's nobody, and Dan is nobody, and they can be nobody together in a place where their kisses don't warrant any extra attention. 

Dan's eyes are careful on him. "Good?" Dan asks. 

Phil nods. He sort of wants to cry, but there's no time for it in between the beats of his heart pounding with the bass. He wants to cry and he also just _wants_ \- he wants Dan. Because he can. Because the whole fucking world can know, and that’s okay. 

Dan beams at him and he starts to understand just how maybe this was for them as much as it was for Dan. 

*

He wants to stay forever but eventually the heat becomes oppressive and his feet start to ache. 

"Dan," he says, mouth against Dan's ear. He takes the lobe between his teeth and bites down a bit, just because he can. 

He feels Dan's breath hitch. "Yeah?" 

"Let's go?" 

He really just means home, but by the widening of Dan's eyes Dan certainly thinks it's something more. Dan nods and takes his hand out of Phil's pants and leans forward to kiss him in a messy rush, just once more in the midst of the people. 

* 

Dan blows him in the Uber on the way back home. 

The driver has music blasting and a partition between them halfway up. He pointedly doesn't give them so much as a glance. Phil's heart is pounding and his head feels like it's floating somewhere in the stratosphere. 

Dan's mouth feels so, so good. He sinks his fingers in Dan's hair. It's sweaty, they're both sweaty. The taste in Dan's mouth can't be pleasant but Dan likes it filthy like that sometimes. 

He wonders if Dan's still got any of the lipgloss on. Wonders if it'll be smeared on his dick when he looks at himself later. 

He makes a noise that he hopes can't be heard over the song playing. He can't help it. Dan's sucking his brains out through his penis and he's got a hand in his pants cupping his balls and pressing his fingers behind them and squeezing just a bit. 

"Dan-" He whispers. Dan moans and he feels the vibrations around him at the same time Dan sucks hard and fast and ruthless. 

He thinks of the club. Wonders if Dan would have done this in the club if Phil let him. If Dan would have touched his dick in a room full of people. He imagines ridiculous scenarios and at the heart of them is something less like exhibitionism, more like ownership. 

Not of Dan. 

But of them. 

He grips Dan's curls tighter. Dan likes that, moaning harder, and Phil can see that Dan's got a hand shoved between his own legs. 

He thinks about telling Dan that he should stop now if he wants Phil to fuck him when they get home. But he's suddenly greedy for what Dan's giving him right now, so he doesn't say anything, just braces his feet against the floor and raises his ass up off the seat and comes down Dan's throat. 

Dan stays there, swallowing tidily, then drops down once all the way until his nose touches Phil's pubes. Phil gasps soundlessly at the surge of overstimulation and then Dan's gone, leaving Phil with his dick out in the warm summer air.

His hands shake as he hurries to tuck himself away and do his jeans back up. The second he slips the button through the hole Dan's mouth is back on his. Phil can taste the sharpness of his come on Dan's tongue and he licks into it. 

(Maybe he likes it a bit filthy sometimes, too.) 

*

The lights of home seem too bright after the night they've had. 

His face in the mirror looks tired, stubble a dark smudge and face paint from hours and hours ago smudged so much that it barely forms a rainbow anymore.

"Are you showering?" Dan shouts. 

Dan's on the bed. He's already given up the idea of brushing his teeth. Said he was too tired and couldn't make it to the bed. Said he must be turning into Phil, because his legs don't work. 

"No," Phil shouts back. He remembers his thought in the car and pulls the waistband of his pants open, peering down. No glitter. He pulls them all the way off. "Just changing." 

He brings Dan out a damp washcloth and hands it at him, then crawls naked into bed. 

"Ugh," Dan groans a blissful sound and scrubs at his face. "I actually love you, did you know that." 

"I'd hoped," Phil says. He groans out loud, a similar noise to the one Dan just made. "I actually love my pillow." 

"Oh, fine, I see how it is. See if it swallows your nut in the back of a car," Dan grumbles. 

"Shush. There's enough room in my heart to love the both of you." Phil keeps his eyes shut. He could fall asleep right now, he thinks. 

Dan starts to giggle. "Hey, Phil." 

"Hey," Phil says back. 

"I blew you in a fucking Uber." 

Phil snorts. "You did." 

"You're returning the favor." 

"Right now?" 

"Mm. No. Just wanna sleep now. In the morning, though." 

Then Phil's thinking about morning and how they should have taken some tablets before they got into bed. Or at least had water to drink. Hangovers just get worse with age, or maybe he's just less tolerant to the discomfort. 

"Hey," Dan says, again. 

He's not laughing this time. 

"Hey," Phil says back, softly to match. 

"Did you have a good time?" There's intensity to the question. 

"I think," Phil says. 

"You think?" 

"It's not something I'd want to do all the time." He feels like he should answer carefully, like there's delicacy to the question. 

"What, the club?" Dan asks. "Fuck no. I like, never wanna go again. At least until next Pride. A year seems about enough time to recover. But, like - did you have a good time?" 

He hears the vulnerability in it now. He turns onto his side to look at Dan, then reaches out to rub his thumb over a spot of blue Dan missed. "Yeah, Dan. I had a really good time." 

Dan smiles and leans forward until their foreheads touch. "Good. I wanted you to." 

Phil has to close his eyes or he thinks he might cry. 

He's glad he did this. 

For Dan, and for himself.


End file.
